I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
