woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
