It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
