Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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