Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
