My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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