shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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