so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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