if you like me you must not know who I am
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
