I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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