STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
