How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
