I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
