Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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