I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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