After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
