Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
