he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
