He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
