I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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