great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
