My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
