Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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