dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
