Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dicks are not precious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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