Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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