i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
