There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
should my penis look like a turkey
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
