she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
