just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
