i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
