you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
