i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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