I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
