I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
