my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
