I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
