well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize