What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
