I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please don't give away my fajitas
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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