you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
BRING THE BAGELS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
