Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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