On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize