She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
