i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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