I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
