Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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