yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
