cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
