i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Randomize
