I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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