help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to calm my uterus...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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