Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
