So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
