It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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