She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
