just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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