For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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