you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
