bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
