And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
