I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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