you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
