Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to calm my uterus...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
