help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
