And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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