I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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