Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
