It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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