I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
