We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
